You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
