I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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