My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
