I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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