Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
