I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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