Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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