i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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