Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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