ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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