can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
