remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
