I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This house was built for laser tag.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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