Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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