I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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