Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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