Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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