so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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