I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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