no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
