ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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