I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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