I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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