C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
