his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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