he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
