im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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