In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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