Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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