I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
