open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
