And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
