You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
