i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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