Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
