then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
