dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
