Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize