My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
