margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
