Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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