lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
