Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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