I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
