Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love you. Go after that dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
