I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
