Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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