I'm going to jail i love you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
