last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
