her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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