3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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