I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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