shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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