Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
