Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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