Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
