even my farts smell like vagina
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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