Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
its not stalking. its research.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize