i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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