The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's shark week go big or go home
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
