I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
