I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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