Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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