I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
